Growth is a continual process of death and rebirth. We shed old ideas and beliefs. We shed old relationships and ways of being. We shed former versions of ourselves. It's painful. Its exhausting. And yet, let's be honest, there is a part of us still expects, or desires, a smoother path.....maybe lit with rainbows and shooting stars and constant signs and encouragement from spirit/divine/universe that we are on the right path. (but for real, that would be awesome!) After we did the difficult inner-work, and went through the painful growth, we stand there like a toddler denied a lollipop, wondering where is our reward for doing the brave thing, for taking the big leap, for being vulnerable and digging into the shadows. Where is our reward? For real,... "I'm WAITING!!" (Said in the voice of Vizzini) Instead of a lollipop, the universe responds by pointing us towards the next step, the next journey that is so far out of my comfort zone that I threw away the damn map. This is uncharted territory.
Perhaps it is indicative of a lack of self love that being a better version of ourselves isn't enough of a reward.... ? What do you think? And what if THE THING that you must go through to become your best self and to fulfill your Soul's purpose is a really painful thing? Would you do it anyway? Oftentimes it's only in looking back that we can see how our biggest challenges and sorrows propelled us forward on our path. But what if you saw it in front of you? Would you still leap? Why do we wait for things to "work out" before we can say, "I grew from that". How awesome would it be, to jump into the MIDDLE OF THE SHIT STORM, with the battle cry of "I'm GROWING!!!!!"
I want to be that person. I want to recognize my path while I am on it, right in the dirty, messy, painful transformation. I want to see my life now, and not need to find some justifiable resolution before I can accept it. I want to accept all this BEAUTIFUL PAIN, right now. But I am terrified. Are you?
Love,
Jennifer