Have you ever noticed the tendency of mirroring other peoples’ energy? For example, when someone gets angry with you, do you find yourself responding to them in anger? How often, when someone criticizes you, do you then feel the need to point out their faults in response? Consider how ridiculous it is that when we are around someone who is irritated, we ourselves often become irritated at them for their irritation. The situation becomes a downward spiral of negative energy!
Today I invite you to reflect on this topic, to increase your understanding about how this habit steals your power and robs you of happiness. I will also be sharing techniques that you can use to develop new, healthier habits when it comes to dealing with the negative energy of others.
You can probably recall a time when you were feeling happy and upbeat until one rude comment from someone changed your mood entirely. This experience, and the ones I mentioned above, are SO common that it might feel quite natural to you. Perhaps you have never questioned this behavior before, thinking that it was a very normal response. Deep habits only FEEL normal because they are so strong they are able to bypass your thinking mind, almost like a reflex. But actually it is not normal or healthy. One person should not have the power to shift your whole mood.
It is important to first recognize this tendency of mirroring the moods of others, and then understand how it is unhealthy. The habit of mirroring energy steals your power, allowing your mood to be dependent on how others are feeling. Even if it is someone in a great mood - a person that you love being around - mirroring their energy might feel good in the moment, but should you really be dependent on others to be in a great mood? Wouldn’t it be awesome to learn how to generate that upbeat vibe yourself? Sure it would!
After you have recognized the harmful tendency of mirroring the energy of others, the next step is to make a firm resolve to stand in your own energy. Do not allow others to pull you into their energy. Get into the habit of DECIDING how you want to feel each day. I have observed that many people often go through their day just like a little boat on the sea being tossed about by the energy and emotions of those around them. If you don’t decide how you want to feel each day, then you will easily fall under the sway of others’ emotions.
Start your day with affirming intentions about how you want to feel.
Here are some examples;
I am calm and composed always.
I am a happy soul. I move through the day in happiness.
I am a loving soul, able to give and receive love easily.
I am peaceful and content in all circumstances.
I am balanced in my emotions, calm and steady always.
I am a joyful soul. I radiate pure joy to those around me.
Setting an affirming intention in the morning is a GREAT way to start your day. But what happens when you suddenly find yourself at the receiving end of negative energy? Here are some additional tools you can use to strengthen your intention throughout the day;
- Focus on your breath. Take a deep inhale and then exhale slowly, through only a small opening between your lips, as if you were lightly holding a narrow drinking straw between your lips and exhaling through it. This slow exhalation helps to reset your nervous system and return you to a feeling of calm.
- Recall happy thoughts and memories by using objects such as jewelry or photographs. Looking at your loved one’s photo on your phone’s wallpaper, or the piece of jewelry you might be wearing that was a gift from a loved one, or remembering ANYTHING that makes your heart smile is a great way to keep your energy positive throughout the day.
- “I get to decide how I want to feel” can be used like a mantra to remind you that you have the power. Don’t give that power away.
Additionally, you can pause and apply basic logic to the situation instead of getting wrapped up in your emotions;
Pay attention to what happens in the mind when you become the target of someone’s criticism or anger. Have you observed that when a loved one treats you rudely it is as if you suddenly forget EVERY kind deed they have ever done? In that moment, their faults seem as big as a mountain and their good qualities are utterly forgotten. It is totally illogical! Years of kindness and love are suddenly forgotten in the wake of angry words. When a loved one treats you wrongly, make a strong effort to remember all the love they have shown you in the past. Logically you can understand that we can’t be our best selves every minute of every day. Sometimes we all act badly. Instead of escalating the situation by mirroring back their same energy, remind yourself of their good qualities. The more that you think about the love and kindness that they have shown you in the past, the less likely you will be to respond harshly.
An act of compassion
Now that you know how to avoid the trap of mirroring the energy of others, let’s take it a bit further and explore how your efforts can be an act of loving compassion to those around you. Understand that emotions such as anger, frustration and irritation are all forms of suffering. Instead of feeling like the victim of someone else’s anger, when you look clearly with compassion, you can easily see that they themselves are the victim of their own negative emotions. They are suffering. When you understand that your loved one is suffering, you will no longer care about “winning” the argument, or getting them to admit their fault. When you understand that anger is a form of suffering, you will not add to their suffering. Because of your strong love for them, you will want to help them to be free from their negativity. In that moment, when you have generated compassion for your loved one, you will be able to respond in a way that helps them and does not add to their suffering.
Sometimes, even when we truly want to free them from their suffering, we don’t always know what to say or do to help them.
So here are a few examples that you can use as a reference to create your own response for your loved ones depending on the situation. A very angry person requires a different response than a mildly irritated person, so use your best judgement.
Wow, that was really hurtful/rude/unkind of you. Perhaps you are struggling with something today. So right now, how can I help you? Would you like a hug/talk/snack/alone time?
It is not ok to speak to me like that, but I know that I am not always my best self either. So right now, how can I help you? Would you like a hug/talk/snack/alone time?
I can see that you are angry/upset/frustrated. I want to listen to your concerns but let’s wait until we are both calm. I will be able to communicate more effectively when we are both calm.
I see that you are suffering. How can I help you?
There is a common misconception that goes something like this;
If I don’t respond in anger to their anger, they might think that it is ok to treat me like this.
I am NOT talking about abusive relationships here. I am talking about everyday life with your family and your co-workers. Somewhere along the way anger became wrongly equated with strength, and now people feel like if they don’t return anger for anger, then somehow that means they are weak. Nothing could be further from the truth! It takes a lot of strength, will-power and determination to stay calm in the face of someone else’s negativity. When you master this art, you understand that it truly is like a super-power. You become unshakeable to a large extent. You are able to set a positive tone for every environment that you enter. In this way you become a blessing and an example to others.
So, right now, set a firm resolve that you will keep the power in your own hands and not give it away to anyone else. You decide how you want to feel in any given moment.
Stop being a mirror for the energy of others and instead become like a window where the light of love and compassion can shine through and be an inspiration to others.
Lots of love,
Jennifer
Occasionally I share blogs like this one that were written as a “Weekly Reflection” for the members of Yoga Club on the Beautiful Souls Academy. It is a great way to show folks a glimpse of what we do in Yoga Club while also conveying some valuable wisdom.
If you found this teaching helpful, consider joining Yoga Club, my fully online yoga studio where, in addition to yoga classes, meditation sessions and yoga tutorials, you will receive weekly reflections with practical teachings on; creating a more positive mindset, managing emotions, working with the Law of Attraction, and letting your awesome self shine more brightly into this beautiful life ❤ https://beautiful-souls-academy.teachable.com/p/yoga-club