I had one of those Mondays. Do you know the kind that I mean? Like a bad cup of coffee that is tinged by bitterness and yet I recognize that bad coffee is still better than no coffee. Today wore the grey cloak of disappointment. It began in yoga class. And incidentally, Monday’s class is my favorite yoga class, taught by my favorite teacher. She is a true yogi. The kind of person that makes you feel blessed and benefited just by being in her presence. So I really don’t want to sound ungrateful when I confess that after every instruction she gave to the class, my inner voice said, “Are you freaking kidding me?!” (Confessing the my inner voice did NOT use the euphemism) But I made my feeble attempt anyway. I didn’t run from the room in tears so I guess that was a small victory. And yet my attempts were admittedly falling pathetically short of the goal. And then came the Jr. High flashbacks – you know the one I mean – Seventh grade gym class in the gymnastics unit attempting the infamous ‘floor routine’. (It really is a shame that they didn’t include ribbon dancing with this curriculum because I strongly feel that I could have excelled at that.) But alas, I was no gymnast. I was nearly six feet tall already by the seventh grade, and there I was flopping around breathless on the gym mats with my lame routine, which could have been titled, ‘Dance of the beached whale’. And just like that poor stranded sea mammal, fighting for every breath, so was I fighting to hold on to the dream of ever feeling graceful in this oversized body. This morning’s yoga class was pretty much the same. There I was, once again breathless and flopping, while all the petite, (fifty and sixty year olds!) around me are leaping up into their inversions like graceful dolphins. Even the instructor is a petite woman, whereas I stand head, shoulders (and sometimes chest) above everyone in the class, including the token dude. (There is one or two in each class and every damn one of them is shorter than I am) These last few months I had been feeling that my dreams were closer than they had ever been, so today it was tough to see the reality of how far I had to go; how very far. {Sigh} Well, yes it was discouraging, but it is not in my nature to tie the stone of disappointment around my neck and plunge into the lake of despair. I think of myself in that shoe store about 3 years ago when I finally said, ‘to hell with being self-conscious about my height’. I bought myself some 6” heels, and then another pair and then another pair. And each time I wear them it is my way of saying, “IN YOUR FACE!!” to any lingering feelings of self-consciousness regarding my statuesque physique. Pema Chodron instructs practitioners to ‘lean into’ the discomfort. (referring to situational discomfort and not the discomfort of wearing 6” heels – just to be clear) She advises us not to pull away from feelings of aversion, for they are the places rich in potential. I have heard the saying that goes something like, ‘Outside of your comfort zone is where the magic happens’ Well, I think that is a bit sugar-coated. I believe that outside of your comfort zone is where you are UNCOMFORTABLE! Nothing magical about feeling awkward, nervous or uncomfortable, but when we can ‘lean into’ this discomfort, when we can hold our ground, when we can stay on our mat and breathe, just breathe and stay, then THIS is where growth begins. And in the growth, well THAT is where the real magic lies. This is how yoga is really just a metaphor for life. We show up, we place our feet on the mat, we breathe, we acknowledge our limitations, we acknowledge our abilities, we make progress, slowly, slowly we make progress. It is not about what we achieve, or how we compare to others. It is about showing up and not running away. It is about being honest and gentle with ourselves so that we learn how to be honest and gentle with others. While we are stretching our bodies we are also stretching our minds to understand that we are capable of so much more than we allow ourselves to believe. We are capable of more love, more joy, more peace and more understanding than we can begin to imagine. So friends, why don’t you join me in the dance of the beached whale? Lean into the discomfort. Dare to step outside of your secure circle and see how the magic unfolds. Just show up and start saying ‘Yes’ to life and then brace yourself for the adventure that follows. See you in yoga class.
Lots of Love,
Jennifer
If this resonated with you, please join me in Yoga Club, a fully online yoga studio on the Beautiful Souls Academy. https://beautiful-souls-academy.teachable.com/p/yoga-club